I DREAMT THAT I KNEW BOB DYLAN

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
But he had a younger face
And every time he opened his mouth
I knew that he had fallen from grace
I tried to be a good listener
But he only spoke in riddles and puns
And when I asked him what he meant by that
He’d answer with another one

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
We were trying to board a plane
But our bags appeared to be filled with things
We just could not explain
So he sat down and wrote a limerick
About a man who always wore black
But when they said ‘Would you step into this machine?’
He said ‘No- and I won’t be back’

Sometimes it’s hard to knowl what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
But it was kind of a surprise
When he went to a plastic surgeon
And came out with a Keane set of eyes
I said ‘Your pupils are dilated’
And he gave me a rueful look
Then he told me my pupils would sue me
For not teaching them to read the right books

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
We fought side by side in the war
But it was plain to see that quite obviously
He didn’t know what his weapon was for
He packed it like a blunderbuss
And polished the barrel with oil
To avoid early on being the president’s pawn
He wrapped the whole thing in foil

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
And he was taller than you’d expect
With powerful hands that could break a man
If he had to in order to collect
I pointed him out in a lineup once
It was a very difficult day
With a wave of his hand he said ‘He’s your man’
And the guards took me away

He said
Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
He sang in my church’s choir
But every time he’d burst into song
The room would catch on fire
He got a little violent once
And pushed me down for a prayer
But he was generous and funny later on
When no one else was there

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
I went with him to a wake
And no one seemed at all put off
When a girl jumped out of the cake
We made polite conversation and only occasionally lied
But our grieving was fake as the girl in the cake
Was the one he had told me had died

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
And he laughed a lot more than you think
But he always frowned for the cameras
Because he had never learned how to wink
He followed me into the restroom once
And made sure that I washed my hands
But when he asked if I was free after work
I said I had other plans

Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
He was just like a father to me
He’d come around on weekends
To watch our colour TV
And he taught me to hunt and to fish and to smoke And to roller-skate in the park
But mostly he taught me to say my piece
And to love walking home in the dark

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
I introduced him to my girl
And he said ‘Let’s go out dancing, man,
So I can give your sweetheart a twirl’
We went to an after-hours ballroom
We danced til he asked for a kiss
And then my wife who’s the love of my life said
‘Does he always act like this?’

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
But we never actually played
He was always confused- ‘Is it rhythm or blues
And how much is that guy getting paid?’
The piano and I were playing cat and mouse
And when I caught it I played the chords wrong
I said ‘Get off your phone and play some trombone!’
But by then he was already gone

Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel
Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan
And I think he dreamt he knew me
Because when I went to buy his t-shirt
The girl said ‘For you it’s free’
So I went round to his place to thank him
And he answered the door as a clown
And in that moment I finally realized
I like him better when he’s not around

Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel
Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real