I DREAMT THAT I KNEW BOB DYLAN

spoken: "S-sometimes it's hard to tell what's real- when what you know is nothing like what you feel. I-I, I mean I dr- I dreamt I knew Bob Dylan- he sang in my church's choir. Every time he opened his mouth the room would catch on fire..."

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan but he had a younger face and every time he opened his mouth I knew that he had fallen from grace. I tried to be a good listener, but he only spoke in riddles and puns and when I asked him what he meant by that he just gave me another one.

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan. We were trying to board a plane but our bags appeared to be filled with things that we just could not explain. So he sat down to write a limerick about a man who dressed in black, but when they said 'Would you step into this machine?' he said 'No- and I won't be back!'

He said
Sometimes it's hard to tell what's real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan. We fought side by side in the war, but it was plain to see that quite obviously he didn't know what he weapon was for. He packed it like a blunderbuss and polished the barrel with oil... and to avoid, early on, being the president's pawn he wrapped the whole thing in foil.

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan and he was taller than you'd expect, with powerful hands that could crush a man if he had to in order to collect. I pointed him out in a lineup once, and it was a very difficult day 'cause with a wave of his hand he said 'There's your man' and the guards took me away!

He said
Sometimes it's hard to tell what's real
When what you owe is nothing like what you feel

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan. I went with him to a wake and no one there seemed at all put off when a girl jumped out of the cake. We made polite conversation and only occasionally lied, but our grieving was fake because the girl in the cake was the one he had told me had died.

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan and he laughed a lot more than you'd think, but he always frowned with the cameras around because no one had taught him to wink. I told him 'Your pupils look dilated' and he gave me a rueful look. Then he told me my pupils would sue me for not teaching them to read the right books.

He said
Sometimes it's hard to knowl what's real
When what you are is nothing like what you feel

And I said
My my my

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan- he was just like a father to me. He'd come around on weekends to watch our colour TV and he taught me to hunt and to fish and to smoke and to rollerskate in the park... but mostly he taught me to say my prayers and to be at peace with the dark.

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan, and I introduced him to my girl and he said 'Let's go out dancing, man, so I can give your sweetheart a twirl' We went to an after-hours ballroom and we danced til he asked for a kiss. Then my little wife, who's the love of my life, said 'Does he always act like this?'

I don't know- I just dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan. We never actually played. He was always confused- 'Is this rhythm or blues? And how much is that guy getting paid?' The piano and I were playing cat and mouse and when I caught it all the chords were wrong. I said 'Get off your phone and play some trombone!' but by then the man was already gone.

Sometimes it's hard to tell what's real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel
Sometimes it's hard to know what's real
When what you are is nothing like what you feel

And I said
My my my

I dreamt that I knew Bob Dylan and I think that he dreamt he knew me, cause when I went to buy this t-shirt the girl said 'Oh! For you, it's free!' So I went around his place to thank him and he answered the door in a gown and in that moment I finally realized I like him better when he's not around.

He said
Sometimes it's hard to tell what's real
When what you know is nothing like what you feel
Sometimes it's hard to know what's real

And I said
My my my